Who am I? I...am a failure. I am weak. I am incertain of myself and my abilities. Do I deserve to live with this knowledge? No, and no one deserves to have to suffer because I am incompitant. I broke one of my rules; I allowed others to see me breakdown and weak. I am worthless.
Why do I allow my become vulnerable? What is the point ot remain around after everyone has seen my throat and have been given the tools to cut it? WHy don't I just...end it all?
To be honset, I thought about it. Then I thought about everyone I'd be burdening if I did end it. And everything I'd miss out in life. So, here I am; still alive, still a failure...
So I was driving to school in my black Chrysler 300 car, and in front of me was a white Chrysler 300, and behind me was a grey Chrysler 300. And the first thought that came to my mind was "this isn't uncommon...", but it gets better; all 3 of us are going to the same college. Now I'm thinking: "oh god, this is just like in Dr Who when he, Rose, and Mickey are in the parallel world.
Ahhh... the parallel worlds merged into one, now there's 3 of me!! kind of cool, but... Ahhh!!
Today before my English class, I was playing with my hair and I got a scare; a straind of my hair appeared to be grey.now I'm only in my early 20s so i was alittle bit panicky in thinking that i was prematurely going grey. So like most people, I tried to hide the hair under the rest of my hair or to want to reexamine it to make sure i wasn't crazy. found it, examined it, hide it. Then I remembered that I am a strawberry blonde, so the hair could just be a light blonde color. but now I can't locate the hair to look at it again. So I might be normal or crazy. I don't know.
You know when your reading, watching, or doing something and it feels like you've done it before; they say its deja vu. But what if it's something like that but feel older or nostalgic? That's what I call a deja vu past life experience.
I recently had one of those; I was watching a show on Japan and suddenly. . . I felt a connection. Like I had lived it. I felt that way when I interact with my puppy too, but this was sotsort of stronger.
That's when I decided that what I was feeling could possibly be a past life connection. So, and this is my thought don't quote me on this, but I must have been a dog or canine in one past life and someone who lived in or immagrated from Asia.
Yep, that's my thoughts on my deja vu moment. What about you?
So I was supposeto meet up with some friends at a local conversation, but I had a class in the morning so I had to arrive late. I get there and no one was there to find me. I called and text them and...nothing.
I understand that they were probably too busy in the conversation to check their phones, but they knew I was going to be late and the leleast they could do would be to have 1 person waiting.
I either need to find a better group to go with for next year, or we need to plan better for ANYONE who might be late.
So far, this birthday weekend sucks.
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